So I’m just going to dive right into this topic. Let me start by saying – I know that a lot of mothers, single or not, work full-time outside of the home, and I COMPLETELY understand that. This post is, in no way, shape or form, meant to bash working mothers, because I have the utmost respect for them. This is also not meant to take sides on the “working mom vs homemaker” debate, or say that one is “better” than the other. This is just my personal experience of being a mom, and having a full-time secular job, and how I felt about it.
To put it plainly, I hated working full-time, even for the short time that I did. I worked at end elementary school, and even though it was literally right down the street from us, we had arrangements for our son that kept him out of daycare, and the pay was very good, it did not make up for the sadness and guilt I felt being away from my son for 8 hours a day. Not to mention, having much less time with my husband, having very little family time after work, and feeling completely drained every day. I also found out I was pregnant about a month into the job, which was right at the end of the semester, so I had summer vacation to be at home. When the time came for me to return to work I was about 4 months along. The plan was to work through until my delivery, and return after my leave was over.
Welllll….It didn’t take long before I started to hate going to work every day. I was exhausted from being pregnant, working 8 hours a day (with kindergarteners), having a toddler to take care of…but more than anything, I couldn’t help but feel like I was doing the wrong thing by leaving my son every day, which I knew was going to be even more difficult if I returned to work after my daughter was born. I cried literally almost every day, either when dropping off my son in the morning, putting him to bed at night, or both. It was definitely one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
As hard as it was to be away from my family, and watching my son cry as I dropped him off to go to work, I was also conflicted because I knew the second income was a big help for our family. It seemed like, regardless of whether I worked or stayed home, I would feel guilty, and feel like I was not fulfilling a responsibility for my family. The closer I got to the end of my pregnancy, I more I began to dread going back to work after my maternity leave (which was only going to be 6 weeks). I also started taking a lot of days off, as the end of the fall semester approached.
My husband started noticing pretty early on how it was affecting me, so we decided that I would work until the end of the semester (since I was due in January), and that I would not return after my leave. I knew this wasn’t exactly easy for him initially, because we would no longer have a second income. But, he was very understanding, for which I was, and still am, very thankful.
I have never regretted quitting my full-time job, to be at home with my family. Even though money can be tight sometimes, we are still able to work things out and have what we need. For me, sacrificing extra spending money to be at home with my kids, and have more time together as a family, is more than worth it. I am also able to do some freelance work from home, so this helps, as well.
Again, I understand this is not an option for everyone, and even for those who can choose to stay home, I realize not everyone has the same feelings about it, and I respect that. At the end of the day, we’re all mothers and all we do what we feel is best for our family!
Stat strong mommies!
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